Writing essays and drinking hot cocoa is quickly becoming my Sunday routine. Well, actually my Saturday routine, but yesterday was mostly taken up by a frisbee tournament. The tournament went well, but I could not stop thinking about frisbee as I was falling asleep, instead of the normal happy imagine-y thoughts that help me fall asleep. I hate when this happens. If I'm at the beach, playing in the waves, I'll dream of waves and get sea sick. If I was at an amusement park all day on roller coasters (well, I don't do that anymore, but when I was younger and less easily nauseated), I would not be able to get the sensation of roller coasters out of my head. If I was hiking all day, I'll dream of hiking. Same with frisbee. It's not that I don't like frisbee. It's fun, and I am enjoying playing it, but sometimes I really just want to think about corridors and fairies and stuff when I'm falling asleep.
Today should be a quiet day. I've done laundry, ate cereal, am drinking hot cocoa. I am attempting to write an essay outline, but I don't have a thesis and am struggling with it as usual. Two of three other housemates are around, but they've been quiet also, which is how I prefer things.
Struggling with a thesis, as always. It's so hard to think of a good one. English essays bore me. I liked our projects in last year's English, because only one of them was an essay. The rest were annotated bibliographies, ethnographies, and discussions of our personal moralities, which I found to be just so much more engaging than the usual speculation about the meaning of empathy and apathy in Miss Lonelyhearts.
As you may be able to tell, I am procrastinating. I want to get my thesis written by lunch, though, and hopefully with accompanying introduction. All I've done today is reading and laundry, and I want this assignment done and done away with by tonight, hopefully so I can kick back and do another assignment.
I don't understand why I worry so much about inconsequential things. Or even intangible things. Why do I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread? It's a normal day, a quiet day, a day that would otherwise be perceived as a perfectly reasonable day. Yet pretty much every morning I get up and panic about everything that will happen today. I don't know why. It isn't logical. Maybe I have a paranoia demon living under my bed. I wouldn't be shocked.
Time needs to stop happening so I can do my work.
On the plus side, at least I'm not wanting it to speed up, I suppose.
It was beautiful weather this evening, nearly 70 degrees. It was beautiful! I got to play the ukulele out on the quad, which is good fun. I also got shiny new ukulele picks, which I am happy for!