Monday, October 22, 2012

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Sunday morning, October 14

Writing essays and drinking hot cocoa is quickly becoming my Sunday routine. Well, actually my Saturday routine, but yesterday was mostly taken up by a frisbee tournament. The tournament went well, but I could not stop thinking about frisbee as I was falling asleep, instead of the normal happy imagine-y thoughts that help me fall asleep. I hate when this happens. If I'm at the beach, playing in the waves, I'll dream of waves and get sea sick. If I was at an amusement park all day on roller coasters (well, I don't do that anymore, but when I was younger and less easily nauseated), I would not be able to get the sensation of roller coasters out of my head. If I was hiking all day, I'll dream of hiking. Same with frisbee. It's not that I don't like frisbee. It's fun, and I am enjoying playing it, but sometimes I really just want to think about corridors and fairies and stuff when I'm falling asleep.
Today should be a quiet day. I've done laundry, ate cereal, am drinking hot cocoa. I am attempting to write an essay outline, but I don't have a thesis and am struggling with it as usual. Two of three other housemates are around, but they've been quiet also, which is how I prefer things.



Struggling with a thesis, as always. It's so hard to think of a good one. English essays bore me. I liked our projects in last year's English, because only one of them was an essay. The rest were annotated bibliographies, ethnographies, and discussions of our personal moralities, which I found to be just so much more engaging than the usual speculation about the meaning of empathy and apathy in Miss Lonelyhearts.

As you may be able to tell, I am procrastinating. I want to get my thesis written by lunch, though, and hopefully with accompanying introduction. All I've done today is reading and laundry, and I want this assignment done and done away with by tonight, hopefully so I can kick back and do another assignment.

I don't understand why I worry so much about inconsequential things. Or even intangible things. Why do I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread? It's a normal day, a quiet day, a day that would otherwise be perceived as a perfectly reasonable day. Yet pretty much every morning I get up and panic about everything that will happen today. I don't know why. It isn't logical. Maybe I have a paranoia demon living under my bed. I wouldn't be shocked.

Time needs to stop happening so I can do my work.
On the plus side, at least I'm not wanting it to speed up, I suppose.
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It was beautiful weather this evening, nearly 70 degrees. It was beautiful! I got to play the ukulele out on the quad, which is good fun. I also got shiny new ukulele picks, which I am happy for!