I have too many papers. I think I may have a compulsive documenting disorder, perhaps stemming from my obsessive chronicling habit. (Example - I have filled 51 journals in ~6 years). I have trouble throwing away papers, especially when they have some kind of significance. Even when I can finally part with old essays with kind tutorial comments (several years later), I can never quite rid my room of its floor covering of papers.
I know. I have a problem.
But, anyway, in an attempt to cut down on my room's white fibrous coat, I'll give you some of the highlights of past assignments. If I leave the stories and funnies up here, I feel less bad about recycling little snippets of my past.
Eleventh grade vocabulary highlights:
1. Jack nimbly leaped over the candlestick, whereas when I tried, I knocked it over and burned down the house.
2. I set up a vantage in a tree with my slingshot and acorns to pelt unsuspecting passerby.
3. I audited the fundraising assembly, despite already having decided that I was not going to do any more soliciting.
Wheee! I missed the liberal editorials foisted upon us in History class last year.
"Rapture Fuels 'Godless' Group's Push"
"The Brother's Koch and AB 32"
"A Tea Party of Populist Posers"
"Midterm Campaigns, brought to you by a pack of wolves masquerading as a herd of sheep."
Hmm. That is a very dead moth, partially crushed in that manila folder. I should have filed these papers sooner.
Ooh, here are some grave rubbings I did! What fun!
"Come hither, youth
And cast an eye.
Then go your way
Prepare to die."
Don't you want an eerie poem as your epitaph? When I die, I think I'd like a cryptic rhyme that, if deciphered correctly, leads the person on a DaVinci Code like quest around the world. At the end, instead of treasure or world-usurping knowledge, I would have a completely nonsense phrase, like "Bacon can be good if only yelling 'maybe' unholy LOOK BEHIND YOU." There would be nothing behind them.
QUICK QUIZ: Are you smarter than a 10th grader?
Francis Bacon, Galileo, and Isaac Newton promoted the idea that knowledge should be based on
1. The experiences of past civilizations
2. Emotions and feelings
3. Experimentation and observation
4. The teachings of the Catholic Church
Some of the vocab highlights from this year:
1. When he cleaned behind the couch, he found a forgotten t-shirt, his old phone, the front door key, a small dog, a sombrero, and an aggregation of coins.
2. Old Man Wilson was commonly called a misanthrope, purely because he was cantankerous and once set a dozen feral dachshunds on a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses. However, most people forget his advancements in the realm of taxidermy, and his loving adoption of hundreds of dachshunds.
3. My cousins laughed at my fawning behavior towards my taxidermy-obsessed grand uncle. They now work for me in my meat-processing factories.
4. He had always felt phlegmatic in the morning, but normally that feeling had dissipated by lunchtime. Today, however, it intensified. He could find no discernible reason for the phenomenon until he realized that he was slowly metamorphosing into a gastropod.
5.Quetzyl was very distressed when the game of pok-tok culminated in his defeat. We tried to calm him by explaining to him that he was being unsportsmanlike, but he reused to be pacified. Apparently, he really wasn't happy about the loser's penalty of being sacrificed to the Sun God at the High Temple. What a baby.
6. When I saw them together, an epiphany came upon me. My boyfriend wasn't cheating on me with my best friend; they were both just part of the cake baking club, and had to make a baby-shaped cake as part of a project in pastry sculpting!
7. "It is the epitome of hyperbole," she declared, "to say that you're hungry enough to eat a horse. There is no conceivable way a horse could fit in your stomach, as the maximum capacity is only about a gallon."
"That's great, Mom, but can we eat now?" the children said. "We're so hungry."
8. My many experiments ended fruitlessly when I determined that there was no optimum way to make a necklace of live butterflies cheaply and effectively.
9. I hope I can have your compliance
As I begin my first act of defiance.
I'm starting a war
Against windows and doors
So we can smash down walls like giants.
As a final note, I would like to point out that I am a little over half a year in AP Biology, and the stack of papers from that class thus far is currently exceeding 3 inches.
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