Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Snarky Remarks I Don't Make to People's Virtual Faces

Hey, look! A new installment in my much loved "say mean things about the stupid things people say on Facebook because I'm too cowardly/polite to comment on them directly" series!

I have seen this status so many times. I liked it when I first saw it, but since then I have seen it relentlessly and I'm beginning to think it may be the cause of great evil:
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." (-allegedly Albert Einstein, but probably not. Albert Einstein didn't say a lot of the things people think he said. He also didn't say "God doesn't play dice", even though he was a little distressed about quantum mechanics messing up his nice special relativity. But I digress).

This quote is the reason America is aptly named Idiot America (thank you, Billy Jo). Everyone is not a special little flower. And if they are, they should darn well bloom already! You don't get a free pass for being unique. You need to DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR UNIQUITY already and stop moaning about how no one understands you. Goodness rollerblading gracious, THIS IS THE REASON AMERICA RATED BEHIND LITHUANIA IN EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS. DO YOU KNOW WHERE LITHUANIA IS!? LITHUANIA KNOWS WHERE LITHUANIA IS, AND IT KNOWS WHERE AMERICA IS! LOOK AT THAT! DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM WE HAVE HERE?! WE BARELY KNOW WHERE AMERICA IS, LET ALONE LITHUANIA! GOOD GOING, ALBERT! SEE HOW YOU'VE RUINED THIS NATION?! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU AND YOUR STUPID LITTLE FISH HAVE DONE?!

*cough*
This is Lithuania, by the way. It's a former Soviet satellite country, located in eastern Europe by the Baltic Sea.



I'm not really sure how I got from fish to Lithuania.

 Man, more rants like these and I'm going to lose my voice.

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